I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
