I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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