I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
No subtext here. People are naked.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
