Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
