hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
