I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
