i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
