ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
