Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
