After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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