Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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