People in love make me want to vomit
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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