Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
