no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
