All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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