I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
