I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
