it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
