is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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