i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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