that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
