is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
