I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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