I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
