Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
