we're blogging at a bar
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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