I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
