Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
