She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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