You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
