what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
