i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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