I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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