go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
