Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
