Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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