you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
soo... how was my night?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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