Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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