Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
