oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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