I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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