i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
