wanna go halves on a baby?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger