I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
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We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?