Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
