I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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