I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
