the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
