I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
