Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
