Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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