btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
