it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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