I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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