People with herpes should wear stickers.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
