Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
