Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
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I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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