What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
