a queef is a wish your heart makes.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
