That's intense
"it" just moved
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
