I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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