Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The uberlube is also flammable
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
