I seem to have left my pride at pride
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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