i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
