i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
