respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
