he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
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I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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