pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
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We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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