I got chris browned last night
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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