Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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