At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
