I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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