Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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