I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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