wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
pray to the hookup gods
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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