i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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