: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
