1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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