Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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