girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
