Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
