So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
