we have pet lesbian snakes
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
How's work?
Spinning.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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