I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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